just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
