i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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