Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
