I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
