i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize