hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Randomize
