My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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