People in love make me want to vomit
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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