Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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