Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize