im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
