Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
