Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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