K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
