I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
