we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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