What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
