She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize