So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
