Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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