i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
