Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
