Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
