You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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