everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
