imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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