You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
