I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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