If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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