Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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