My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
