She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
