Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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