Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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