tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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