I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
