The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
