At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
