Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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