Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
