Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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