Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
A+ Viking dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
