you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize