I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
