No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
