Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
