How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
