I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
