When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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