brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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