then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
