Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
