You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I touched a dick in church today
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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