just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
