He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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