Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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