he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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