Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
