He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
