If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
