I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
