Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize