Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize