From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
