I am puke
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
