no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
