Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
