But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
