There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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