Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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