All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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