I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
