i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
