Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
