Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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