the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
