Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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