thus making me awesome and them whores
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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