I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
