And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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