I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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