Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
