We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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