He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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