how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just had sex on a roof
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
